Everybody makes mistakes..

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Yes, i did some mistakes. I am sorry. Now, what else can i do beside truely apologizing? I am not going to sit here sulking. And i am not going to get stuck here thinking why did i do this and that..I am human. It’s as simple as that. And i understand my actions. Yes i repent, that’s why i am sorry in the first place.  But i refuse to let anybody drag me down to the base, just because i have made some bad choices.

Yes again, i wish things had gone differently. But they didn’t. So i  sucked it up, took a deep breath and moved forward. Who is hurt? I or you or anyone?Is it your piles of lies i should be mad about or my criticisms against you.. Nope. I don’t recall anymore. I forgave myself. Because do you know, only when you truely forgive yourself for actions you have done or things you have caused. You can take a step to tomorrow..Why even bother taking that load, ramming your head when it’s not going to matter in next 5 months or 5 years. Stop suffocating.

thequotepedia

quotepedia

This is what i learnt..

1)Not every path you walk is bed of roses, so yes’ not every people you meet are going to be a ‘wow’ person. (Including myself.. or perhaps yourself). Dosen’t mean you should stop walking and stop trusting people. You learn everything step by step. It’s not age that makes you adult, it’s actually experience and maturity with the way you handle things.

2) Words are like bullets. When it’s shot, it’s bound to cause an impact. You can’t take it back. So think through every word before you speak or you lash out. If it’s better to walk out from that point because you clearly see through where it’s going. Make the smart move. Walk away.

Finally, i will stop rabbling and get to point.

If you have someone to say sorry too, i suggest ‘Do it Today’. Do it now..or start mustering your guts to apologize soon. Noone is lowering their standards saying ‘I am Sorry’. It’s just three words.

I said it and now i feel free.You’ Get it done and get it over with.   Believe me…. you don’t want to be dragging your ruggages all the way to another year.  2017 is Knocking!!!! More than enough of those are coming your way.. You are only HUMAN.

techgyd

techGYD

Happy Blogging. 🙂

I ‘m sorry i happened to you

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The first day I walked into you. I was so nervous..i  never thought I would be chasing a guy.

But I did. And I swore, I just wanted to know you better out of curiosity.

You looked like someone I could know, I could remember.

You looked like someone out of past from whom I just recovered.

But I was never a person to trust in love, I was built in that way so I refused to feel at all. I would let anyone walk out and still have no regrets to live for.

Yet I don’t know why, I was so obsessed with you so I wanted to make sure we never cross paths but It grew out of control and I webbed you  in,into my world..with a promise that I could be your one, the one  and only.

You trusted me, weren’t we so happy ?

What happened then I don’t know..did you break my heart or I wanted to break yours?We have shed tears haven’t we? Did we lose all that we felt in those drops when  we were crying?

I can only blame myself for what  I cannot be, I loved you with all my heart,I gave you all that I could, my sacred first love and my first kiss.I still know how it felt when   you touched  my  hands the first time and blew it kisses while I wondered if it was ok?

And yes it was. I could look into your eyes and tell, with you I would always be safe.

You said you loved me and you would wake up all night staring. You said you would miss seeing me if you fel asleep. But If you did really love me ,why would you always be willing to give me away with your wrong choice of words ‘its for your sake’. If you did really love me, why wouldn’t you ask me to stay? If you did really love me love, why petty secrets  with lies of your fiddling hearts? i tel you everything  don’t I deserve to read some of your hidden cards?

If you did really love me baby, why such an easy goodbye when we had seen all these harsh years  together in the past.

I found you..but you saved me.

I am sorry, I was too lost I couldn’t see that you needed me.I am sorry for  being  a nervous wreck I had been. I am sorry you had to be an adult when I was such a baby..

But I missed us.. Even when you are by my side I missed us thinking what we could have been. I can only see us both dragging to the same circle from where we always wanted an exit. Couldn’t  we atleast  be two free birds when we were ‘just you and me’?

Do we even know eachother? All the little things that make us..Do you know me except all the big bag ruggage that I came with?Or have we been too afraid of our own selves lately? Tell me if I should  try to hold to this string before we crumble and everything  falls to pieces.

Goodbye love.

I only hope its not our last. Remember you promised me you would find us back.  Remember me.. for  I am only letting my  bird set free hoping someday it will come back to me. I know I am a fool , not for chasing you but letting you go. I am getting  numb and slowely you are losing your control..

If I had to do it again yes I would do it too again and again..the next time and the next, not repeating any of those mistakes..hiding away from you scared that you would break me if I fell any harder..hiding away from you scared that I would break you if I had a change of my heart later.

But I did love you. I did. I do. Did you love me for the person I was or as the one you wanted to see? I never asked. I dare not. They say Sky is vast.. should you find another love, mercy me too fit me in somewhere inside your heart for a safe keep in. As long as you are happy, I am happy. You were my charm, you were my strength but you were also my weakness the fact you couldn’t see.

I did love you. I do. And I will always.. whether you believe it or not.

Will you find us back? Save me one more time and I promise no matter how many times heart breaks I will save us. There will be no more tears, no more cries, no more hiding, no more running , no dramas just us and our beautiful world. You could even have that flat you wanted, have a teacup, have a pug. I won’t mind letting a house go, ditching some birds and hamsters and cats. Never really. i wouldn’t want Disney lands.  Because you would be worth all of  it. Because we would have all there is to have with our three beautiful kids..

I am sorry I happened to you.

Confront you..

I am sorry that I am the only kind

I am sorry that you will never have your way around

And leave you may, but I promise you, you will think of me

And you will miss me

Like that old watch you don’t understand why you love so much having


 

 

I’m sorry things are this way

I am sorry for giving you hard time to understand why I behave so careless and insane

Yes I am sorry for all those times I have made you wait

And all those romance I am immune to that you work so hard to create

 

I’m sorry for being me..

For bringing the apocalypse down  for you, for all that I am and for all that I do

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Because here is the thing you donot understand

And I want to confront you

‘I m the dark of raven’s skin

Not the swan of tutu’

‘I’m flame that’s bound to be a wildfire

not the luminescence of the moon’.

 

Please do understand me..because i want to keep you.

Dear you’

(i wasn’t planning out in putting out this confession but something made me ..its a pathological writting with my crazy brain. hope you will like it i donot own copyright to this pic :)

i donot own copyright to this pic 🙂

Dear you,

I have a confession to make. A confession that i have held inside me for many years and here it is “I was your secret admirer”.

I know i presented myself as if i’m oblivious to you and with everything related to you. But if i say i pretended to be that way, because i was scared that you would find about it,would you believe it? I watched you everyday..every little things you did, every pranks that you played silently. Feeling annoyed by your rudeness looking at how you bullied other kids, feeling annoyed by your thoughtfullness looking at how heartless you can get. Feeling more and more annoyed each time i saw you playing with others feelings.

Did you know you were my 1st crush? No i never said that so i’l just leave it. But you must know i was at cloud 9 when i found out that you had feelings for me too. Anyways you were a douchebag so it makes no sense for you to have feelings for anyone. And i saw you so many times and i know so well how heartless can you get i decided that “No, i will never be tamed by you!”

But deep down somewhere i was getting sick “love sick” and you were acting so much like a love struck puppy. I was confused. But i had to stand my ground for saving my own heart, for sake of my own pride so i refused.

And that day came, when i was asked  “do you love him?” i said “I don’t know.”blankly.

I’m sorry but it was true i didn’t know. i didn’t know what in the world had happened to me to make me fall for a rude heartless boy..i didn’t know how in the world did a  shwallow girl like me came to feel so much..

After years and years apart i still think of you sometimes. I see you in my dreams as that ‘cool little boy playing pranks as rude as always and me getting annoyed’. You are a douchebag.. i still say to myself but you did leave an imprint that i can’t wash away. And deep down in my heart i really  hope we would meet someday. But from all these thousands of things i want to say i know i will just say “Hello, again”.

your secret admirer. 🙂

Because i was always a little hungry pig ;)

i donot ownthe copy right :)

i donot ownthe copy right
🙂

I was smart creature when I was little. Only when I started realizing I am actually smart I started running downhill thanks to my pride.

Well this topic does start with a little smart head I had. It so happened that I and my elder brother enrolled in school together. Till class two we sat on same 1st bench together. I was you know the quirky type little girl (i know I find it annoying too to recall myself) and my brother was just so lazy. He also used to get frequently ill and had hard time covering his courses. And of course, I would take every chances I could get to be his hero doing his assignments. But later like a lazy person he was ,my brother actually started depending on me..too dependent. He would say to mom at last moment before going to school that he has stomach ache and whatever and could’t complete his homework. He would plead mom not to send him school coz the teacher would then give her punishment. And mom believing him, would make me do his homework superfast. And after a lot of those,I really got tired and I just stopped doing it.

One day my brother came to me real frustrated saying he needed help with his homework. And I tried to help. Then after few minutes,he ran off ..emotionally blackmailing me to let him go out and play while mom was busy shopping. I was blackmailed I tell you because I felt sorry for him. Sorry for my “Fat little short chubby brother looking at me  with excitement twinkling in his small black little round eyes” He is so loveable why can’t he find friends I thought. But then again I thought he always blackmails me I am the victim here. So I decided to stay firm on my ground. “What’s in for me??” I asked. He narrowed his small eyebrows and opened his tiffin and said “I will give you my lunch.”

And I just melted seeing my little fat brother offering me tiffin with his chubby hands. I melted seeing mom’s bread omlette special that has not been eaten. I don’t know what else melted me, I just melted. I was bribed. And ever since that day to many years I was his slave, doing his homeworks. I am guilty I know and now that I think of it “I was always a hungry little pig”is the best way to explain it.