When Saturday and Facebook come together.. :)

pcmagazine

pcmagazine.com

Early morning its typical Saturday. My eyes hurt because i watched three movies all in one night yesterday. Don’t ask me anything. i can’t even recall the movies and who killed who..which was the main character in which..it’s all jumbled in here (pointing to my head)

Scrolling through my cellphone now, trying not to squint my eyes..checking facebook. Woah” my crush uploaded a new post..can’t see his face though, what a bummer. Would have been really nice to know how he looks after all these years in person. Intrested?? Hahha nah..lets just say watching him is a secret hobby. Oh” my ex posted something too. Gosh he is handsome! More of like cutie pie now..his chubby cheeks looks better than bunnies..i tell you that! Last time i checked, he had that picture with a gun shooting all the heart shaped cartoon stuffs..What happened to us? More like,what happened to me? He hates me now.I hate myself. i deserve that..i fell for a ‘computer screen’ can you believe that? ‘It dosen’t count’ his words ring in my ears… ‘It does..’ i remember my reply. And then ‘boom boom’ there went my first love with the wind..

It's a windy day!
A computer screen!! You must be shocked. Yeah how dumb..lol. That’s me. I am crazy hahaha. Don’t wanna go there now. Don’t wanna sit alone in that corner..sulking. But again,don’t be shocked when you see me hugging that screen. i am an emotional wreck. Not again..for God sake! Here is pepsodent..squeezing from the bottom of the tube..pea size quantity..brush brush..now smile. CHEESE!!

pinintreeeeeet

pinintrest

I LOOK AMAZING. DON’T I??

So back to facebook scrolling..all my ‘now’ friends, look jolly, working their butts off trying to achieve something.Nothing new. life paces fast forward for meds people. Although to whole world it seems like we are the one who is stuck.. ‘Are you still studying?’they ask, when they have graduated. Then the same question, when they have recieved their pay roll and again..when they are getting married.. ‘Will you please stop!’ Have some mercy, you are not the only one saying that to us. You are among hundreds..Though, yeah i admit ok” cuddling books on valentines day does suck. Happy now??hah

Bored…So i am scrolling my school friends. I was a meanie and the ‘unpopular one’. Needless to say, i don’t have any school friends in my friendlist. ok..ok.. i admit i even rejected a handful of requests. No reasons. So, i go through entire long process, of checking one of my bestie’s facebook and stalk some that i used to know. And wow! There is a difference right there..you can tell by the eyes the difference between a medic and non medic student. Life has been sucked out of us..help!!

pintree

pintrest.com

I take back what i said in my first few paragraphs now. I do.My Life has been moving slow… is it even moving at all? When did that girl start looking like that? When did that boy become that? Omg..where in the world is that beach? When did these.. people even have the time to travel that far corner of the world? And most of all”’ why is she posting a picture of a 5yr old kid and saying ‘my son’!!. What is happening?..where was i? Somebody explain.

And here is the part..’You can’t even think of starting a family till you are a registar..if you are stop thinking right now’ that’s what a senior doc told me like just 3days back. I love babies.Not all the babies. But yes. Am i even going to have one?Well screw that! Am i even living my life right? To the fullest i mean..

my-life-sucks-cartoon-batman-pic

Well after an hour of back and forth thinking here is what i have concluded. Everyone has their pace..some are slow like turtles, some are fast like hare.  None of us has same path..none of us has same time. We are revolving around our own orbit..what we make is upto us. What matters at the end, is how much we made of ourselves and how much we feel fulfilled ..before reaching that  red ribbon at the end. What do you think? i am WISE huh??  🙂

A wakeup call!!

I had a dream.

I was walking on mangal bazzar(patan durbar square) with my little brother.

He was holding my hand while we strolled around the temples. He was tired and he asked me if he could sit on the sideways  below the temple  to rest. I said ‘ok’ and  I left him there and went to the other end where I bought some maize grains to feed the pigeons, then suddenly there was an Earthquake!! Everyone screamed and started running around.

I hurried to my little brother. The temple collapsed.

I saw his little face ‘shocked’ and the crumbles of temple walls falling apart behind him. I ran to him screaming… ‘get away from there’.

And then I woke up. I started looking all around my room… I opened the door and walked to my brothers room. I was too shocked to know it was just a dream.

And later, when I calmed down. I realized..My brother is not 12 years old anymore. He is 21 years old now. And so is my sister, my elder brother, my dad. And they have been away for 6 years now to a foreign country now. Time has flied too fast for me to stop it.

It was a wake up call

It has been so long…yet when I dream, I still see my little brother so small, little and fragile.

I missed the times he was growing and my sister too,even before we were separated because i was too self centred. I missed the times my father was struggling. And I regret all those times I missed.

I have been a fool..fooling with myself, thinking just me, my career, my life but not what was so much important to me..

I wonder if dad meant this when he said ‘In my eyes, you  are still very small’.

And I wouldn’t blame him. Everytime he would come back from the army on holidays,he would look too distant…too far..too reluctant to believe.. ‘all of his children have grown up without him..’ and i don’t want to be that way with my family…..

Never let time just fly away. Never let memories just go by.

Aim..

AimTime-Flies-4ced63b82ff98

Aim is to live,

Not just to breathe but to be alive

To pursue, not just goals

But the essence inside

Aim is to walk, untangled in free will

Wandering but not lost

To discover more and more

But  never to lose sight of what was there


 

Aim is to laugh, recalling the good old bygone days

Never regretting what was gone and what has been done and made

Aim is to chase happiness, forgetting  compromise

learning to live in a want to find joy that reflect us and not just me.. alone

Loving effortlessly till the end

knowing  this will be the very same till the last of the days


 

yes, aim is to live, not just to  breathe but to be alive

Aim is to appreciate, every little things in life

And to be grateful enough full heartedly,openly

before time flies.. with life in it.

The Threads




rainbow-threads-flowing-light-4411653 

The Threads

I wake up n I walk to the window

The sun shines as bright as the morning it was yesterday..

It lures it haunts with so many promises..

of Memories I”ll make if I make it one more day..


The dead will be gone and the living will move on..

for every morning I”ll shine as bright as yesterday’ it says

wake up and you’ll see the threads you tied yourself with

to the people you hoped you shall remain forever and together.


The thread shimmers, the thread shines..

on the daylight I’m happy I feel so right..

I dance I sing I walk around with the people I love..with people my thread has latched on’

But as the dawn comes..I can see them disappearing

one by one slowely..pitch dark! and I am blind


My threads..I can’t control them anymore..

now it has me hanging like a puppet in a show

which are the strings I should let go

“I just don’t KNOw”


Hang in there with the dawn there will be a sunrise I say

Tomorrow I will see my threads shimmer and glow again..

But the dawn is too long..my grips are lose

I am tired, and I don't know 
if there are threads at all for me to choose