Interesting human psychiatry ;)

Here are two bizarre conditions  in psychiatry  that perhaps you can relate to, i certainly find it interesting..hopefully you do too.



dirty and

Basically means ‘pathological jealousy’. The patient is so convinced  his/her partner is cheating, that  despite no evidence he/she  is constantly trying to prove  the imagined infidelities. Especially common with men. For example, these patients tend to spy regularly on their spouse whether  by following them around, tracking them with binoculars or hiring private detectives. Whatever it takes  to verify their doubts.They might even  pretend  to go to the office and end up appearing abruptly at the house in a hope to catch their partners ‘red-handed’ with her lover.Sorta like what happens in movies”.

So, beware  ladies of the green eyed monster‘!! If he starts scouring your bag and won’t leave your cell phone alone, he might as well be starting on this track 😉


But jokes apart’ seriously, this is ‘pathological’ because it is DANGEROUS. There has been incidences where the patient has exhibited violent behaviour and even tried to kill/harm their spouse in anger. And not to forget, it has been known to occur with other mental health conditions like mania, schizophrenia.


Personally, i find this condition very adorable. The fact is, it is not even considered a condition by many psychiatrists. But nevertheless i think it deserves a good mention.


What happens here is ‘expecting fathers’ have symptoms of pregnancy that their wives are experiencing. YUP, all those features  like abdominal swelling ‘baby bumps’, weight gain, morning sickness, backache,cramps etc etc. Also known as ‘sympathetic pregnancy’. It is believed to occur due to stress and anxiety the husband experiences about becoming a dad. Usually, in these cases articles read, that the husbands are so attuned to their wive’s condition that they start to develop the symptoms themselves. NOPE. It is not an attention seeking phenomenon. Men in these cases do have physical changes and are experiencing these involuntarily.


You can do your own research if you want to know more. i just gathered up all the internet infos to feed my curiosity.

He. His Wolf.


‘You are mine’ he claims.
‘I want you’ the words spills on papers,his raging menace.
His thirst still on peak to impale my flesh,
He grits his teeth and sharpens his claws..
Relishing in his mind, infliction of sweet pain.

But it growls,his lone wolf..
Restraining his demons from causing a chaos.
Blazing with hunger, his eyes blends darker now with exhaustion..
Upon beating himself from taming ‘my fears’ for his restless animal.

In his dreams, however”
He runs havoc into the wilderness of the night.
Into the woods, into the yards of the free land.
Where he howls on the full moon, letting loose ‘the beast’ finally out of the cellar.
While a pair of crimson eyes,
‘my eyes’..

stares at him with full admiration
down to his very nature, into his primal form.
Before running together…paw for paw..
Into the vast open fields

under the night full of stars.

Their Happy Story. :)

What makes life a happy story? It isn’t math where 2+2=4 and you have countless formulas to reach to your ‘one’ solution. Infact i don’t even know  the definition of ‘happy’ what does it mean? Something that defines my  happiness isn’t bound to define  yours ,is it? Was Cindrella truely happy marrying the prince? Some say ‘yes’ others say ‘no’. Well i think only Cindrella knows  and ofcourse the writer.

Anyways, here is a story i wanted to share today that i think met a happy ending..what would you think.. do comment if you want at the end.  This is brother Deecha’s real life story about the girl he used to know.Before i start narrating in his own words, here is a question for you..’Do you think true love  exsistS?


You remind me of a girl whom i used to know a long time ago..(she was from same ethnicity as me)  That  girl, i had  fallen crazily in love with. I don’t know what happened then..i was blindfolded like a mad man. And just to spark a little intrest in her for me..i was willing to go through any lengths. I used to follow her around like a shadow.. everywhere,anywhere she would go, trying my best to grab any chances i could get to win her heart. But in vain,all those efforts yeilded me nothing but more frustation and desperation..

Needless to say  i proposed. A number of times..ended up getting rejected heartlessly. Still, that wasn’t stopping me. For I was determined she was the one i was supposed to be with. Why was I? I don’t know. It was obvious, everyone could see she didn’t understand a thing of how i felt.. For her, i was nothing but a pampered spoilt son of a rich family. Her parents weren’t fond of me either.They had warned me to stay away from their daughter on number of ocassions. But i couldn’t. They were very strict and too controlling.

Months and a year of persistence. Finally things started setting back on place for me. I was really happy. Everything was going right for us.. till that one day, she left for kathmandu and never returned back.

I started worrying..when she didn’t show up after few days like she had promised me to. So, I came to the city myself, searching for her. I looked everywhere i possibly could but i couln’t find a trace. I wish i had stopped then because eventually what i found out much later, devastated me. She had  flown  off with her parents to a diffrent country, never to be back again. And not a word was said to me, about it.

I couldn’t help but feel sorry for brother Deecha then and i couldn’t believe how  arrogant that lady was. This was the man who would have  brought the stars and the moon to her feet( well !!) . But, what he said  to me after he finished his story warmed my heart a little.

‘I wish things were different’ he said. ‘But i don’t regret a thing now. I did everything i could.’  

I didn’t know ‘what love is’ then but i think i understood what he meant when he said that. ‘When you  have done possibly everything to keep that one person.. yet if it still doesn’t work out, no matter how restless the heart is, it finally learns to settle in peace… ‘

The fact is, even before he shared his story firsthand to me, i had heard his mother tell her version of his story  many times .  She would say ‘i don’t know dear what did that girl do..Deechan was like a mind controlled puppet. He wouldn’t listen a thing i had to say. And then, when that girl disappeared he came to the city looking for her. In this place, where he knew noone and noone knew him. What did he do? How did he live?I   asked him to come back many times but he wouldn’t. i was scared, worried he might do something in haste‘.

At the time, I met brother Deechan (at kathmandu ), he had a little daughter and a beautiful wife. They were a lovely couple and a happy family together. Even, how he met his wife  has a story. Some people’s life are are like movies..aren’t they? Good for you,  I am noosey  hahha so here is what i found  out.

It so happens that, his now wife had been madly in love with a boy during her high school years as well. Equally crazy,  to the extent that she had cut her hands when he had refused to accept her feelings. After pursuing him what sounded like  many times times, she was utterly heartbroken.


And now, here they were..two heartbroken individuals, their edges coming together to make a complete heart. So lovely together.  My God bless them.





Our hopeful future.


”You cannot feel air but it is there.You have to know..” he wrote to me once.

Indeed, air is our need for sustenance.
How long should we hope to live without it to breathe.
Feelings are like that.

One wishes if only these ‘we feel’ came in shapes and sizes.
So we could tie them all together in a knot and present it in the open..
For the other to see, caress it and remember
Because ‘Air’ no matter how
Vital it is, it is often forgotten.

However, Air never leaves.
Even if you momentarily stop to respire..
LIfe itself will wither slowely and age with the seconds of the watch.
‘feelings’ ‘Air’ will exsist, continuing in the perpetual momentum..
As much like,
‘breathing’ is a chore, crucial to life yet.. physically we are
indifferent to its motion.

Eventually, one day life will embrace back love in us with open arms.
Like the trees will welcome the spring again..after its autunm desolation.
When we are truely willing to feel..
what that was always there omnipresent..around us

Love comes in many may not be the same again.
But Remember, ‘love’ is like ‘Air’..It was always there
It will always be there.
We can’t see it. We have to feel..
Trust it and let it unbolt our instincts.
For ‘future’ no matter how it may be
Is a beautiful thing to dream.

Happiness and loneliness


Met an elderly couple walking together

a step at a time, with their cane.

Breathing steadily, resting often..

to keep up with their strength of old age.

‘Happiness’ is that.. I thought, looking at the man

gaze adoringly at his wife.

Wondered, how preety must she look even now for him

with wrinkles on the forehead, lines under her eyes.

Saw him again, although much older than he used to be.

Hear they say a year has gone by, since his wife passed away of some disease.

No one remembers, no one recalls, the last time he let out a smile.

A part of him is gone..

his life is as vacant as the stare he casts on  the sky.

‘loneliness is that..’ I thought, seeing him lost inside his own world amongst the crowd.

To be missing that particular whom he had devoted his everything for.

Silent like a statue is, could he be screaming..banging his head.. wanting to vent his grief?

Or is he be numb..sullen..attempting to bury his painful feelings?

‘happiness’ with her, loneliness without her

Life is a maze..or is it love that makes it?

I hope…  he finds in his heart to smile again, keeping alive his beautiful memories

I hope.. he knows that he loved her enough and he was there when she needed it

And if someday he felt, he was too ignorant..too busy..too reluctant to be there

I hope he finds forgiveness in his heart knowing that ‘he did his best to make of what little he could afford’….

So that, One day..he could finally let her go…

Entwined 21 :)


A sharp burning smell pricks Sebastian’s nose.

He quickely throws a glance at the fireplace worried, something must have caught fire. However, the fire blazes contained within the metal frame.

It dosen’t take him long to realize, what gave that peculiar odor. A  cloud of myst like before, was gradually enveloping him from below. He kicks off his feet but they wouldn’t move. Soon  they start feeling numb and  his whole body goes limp. The dreadful experience  returns , his vision gets dimmer and he starts swirling with everything around him..

Round..round..round..Sebastian closes his eyes tired and nauseasus.

The motion comes to a halt, like his freefall was suddenly  being caught midway in the air by the invisible ropes tied to his body. It jerks him with a strong force and vanishes abruptly, leaving him obnoxious and drained.

He now stood on a large  room with a bed placed on its centre, book shelves in one corner,a  closet on the other and  a table with  a chair arranged near its window overlooking a large beautiful garden.  Like other rooms on the mansion this too was empty. Only occasional chirps of birds from nearby tree  soothed its desolation.

Tightly closing his lips, Sebastian immediately pushes his fingers on his mouth to stop  from vomiting.

Wouldn’t want to do memory travel anytime soon..i feel sick..

Another sour water brass. His stomach does a painful flip. Making  a quick run for open window,he throws himself  against the wooden table.

‘Much better…’

The gentle hush of cold fresh wind hits his face, his nostrils and  calms his insides.

After a while, waking up from a short nap, Sebastian rubs his eyes. How long had he been asleep he had no idea. The sun was almost down now and was  casting his shadows unusually longer and impressively on the floor. But he felt refreshed, relieved his body was back to health, quicker and  faster to response like he was used to.

He lays back on his torso and reaches out for a hard cover notebook,  from  the stack of books arranged side by side neatly on the corner of table. Holding it over to his face, he  flips on the pages. All sorts of pencil sketched drawings of black Ravens birds stare at him with mean penetrating eyes from it.

‘Raven…’ Sebastian sighs , gently closing the notebook.



‘Your mother dosen’t love you’…

Sebastian  hears a firm voice of a man speak on corridor, behind the half open door, shortly after.He knew  it was Raven’s father. He had heard the man scream of fright and curse more than hundred times. Slowely tiptoeing to the direction  the noise was coming from, he peeks out from the door.

Standing next to his father he sees Raven, almost half his height, intimidated by the man’s presence with his head held low staring  into nothingness of floor. Sadness clearly  surfaced  on his innocent face.

‘She will leave us all alone and marry that man she calls her friend. She will take all of what we have and leave us to suffer.’

‘I tell you, she will be walking out on us anytime soon’

The bombarding of words and accuses  goes on and on..

‘Mother won’t do anything of that to us!’ he hears  Raven finally defend on a strong voice. But, somehow it didn’t feel right to Sebastian because he knew  Raven did not believe what he said when he said that. He was so used to Raven’s nature by now that he recognized  the tone Raven spoke with in  confidence but this statement surely did not sound like Ravens.

‘Tell me where she was yesterday and day before yesterday. Did she tell you where she went?’ Raven’s father  hammers,  flustering with anger now.

‘She is getting divorce from me. She will take both of your custody and force you and your sister  to live with your stepdad. And that won’t be good because I wouldn’t be able to do anything then’ he smirks.

Raven doesnot say a word.

He faces away from his father, diverting his attention to the closed door nearby. Judging by the corncerned look he gave, Sebastian was sure the room belonged to Rose.  He could see Raven was worried if Rose heard their conversation or not. If she did, it wouldn’t have surprised him because Rose had developed extraordinary sense of hearing and smell to compensate for her blindness. She could even hear Raven tear the the pages of his notebook from her room.

After a long while of one sided argument, Raven’s father finally rests his heavy hands on his son’s fragile shoulders and speaks. This time his tone much lower and more affectionate   ‘Son, I am not worried about you. You will get through, you always do but what about Rose?’

Sebastian on hearing that, grimaces with disgusted face.

Clearly the wicked man  was tormenting the child mentally and driving him against his own mother. It was on his nature to spot a wolf under the sheep’s skin. He knew by the look of the man’s face, that he triumphed over the control he owned on his son’s thoughts. If only he could get his hands into his throat and severe his foul speaking tongue..Sebastian grits his teeth.

Raven however stands frozen, speechless even  long after his father leaves, alone on the corridor. He continues to stare on his sister’s closed door, lost again on his thoughts.  Then  and there at the moment, Sebastian sees a flicker of what looked like a malicious beast on his eyes that was now  aroused after a long,long  slumber.

I promise you love.



When a house feels only like a shelter
And its walls affords you nothing but cold solitude
I promise you home.

When the lines on pages read silent
And its stories evokes you nothing but mere words
I promise you compassion.

When all is lost and you fall down on your feet
With drenching rain.. beating out your self esteem
I promise to be hope.

When night falls and your own shadows betray,
running away in the dark
I promise you safety.
I promise to be your companion.

So, donot be scared darling..
When fear creeps in and your soul screams like a mad man
Donot hesitate for one single moment
In thinking Your demons wil tame your inside person
For.. i promise you warmth in my shoulders.
I promise you dreams in my visions
I promise you, your smile..your life to be filled in with colors
But above all
I promise you..i promise you ‘love’
The best of me.


Entwined 20 :)



It catches Sebastian by surprise on hearing Raven’s thought. Not the fact that he could hear whatever Raven was thinking but that his sister who had peculiarly beautiful eyes, was blind. It made him  wonder,  if he could have ever guessed that, had he not listened to his thoughts. This finally made sense, why the hall was empty and so spacious.

‘Rose’ he hears Raven call her, after a long  silence.

‘Have I ever described you what fire looks like?’he asks.

‘Yes. Brother you said, mostly it was warm like yellow but more  passionate like red..but sometimes its fiery red and extremely bright  yellow like anger is,  if I remember correct’ she replies gleefully looking at his direction.

‘oh did I say that?I must have forgotten then’

‘yes. You did.’

Sebastian senses the enthusiasm in her words as she spoke. He did not have to guess, to know, how she depended on her brother’s words, to draw images of an object into her own mind. His words alone were the bricks to a castle she was building in the air.

‘Donot ever hesistate  to ask me, whatever you want to know about. I can describe you..i will try my best. ok?’ says Raven, more corncerned now. His gaze fixed, with scrupulous attention to her eyes.

A soft side of Sebastian’s jeykll and hyde heart melts at that time. He bends forward curiously. Crossing his long fingers together with  elbows resting on his knees, he positions himself face to face with the boy.   Ofcourse  this boy did not have a sharper nosebridge and well defined jawlines. His chubby flushed cheeks and heart shaped face with plump lips made him look anything other than a full fledged  predator Raven was.  But, there was no doubt he was  Raven. As innocient as he looked he was going to be  a reaper, a cold soul who never forgave, never forgot and  perhaps never loved. A wave of sadness surges over Sebastian as he lets the grim thoughts overflow him, how he hated a part of his human heart that felt all these petty emotions.


‘How different is love from hate? Isn’t it a very thin line?’ Sebastian hears himself asking the boy ,who stood frozen infront of him, in the seconds of time, that Raven’s memory had preserved.

‘Resurrecting your father to punish..i understand.. but why laira?’

No answer, his words  drifts away unwanted  in the silence of the hall.



‘Brother’ the little girl’s voice interrupts Sebastian’s flowing thoughts.

‘ You have said that to me more than hundred times. You know I will ask you when I need to..’ her soft voice jingles with reassuring tone.

Raven smiles. His tearful eyes gives away a glimpse of his painful heart. She was his precious. No one in the world mattered. He would forever be there to protect her, to describe her colors, rainbows and butterflies that she would never see on her own.


‘However..’  Rose  pauses, narrowing her eye brows, looking closely on the fire.

‘The next door neighbour…You never describe me anything about her.I am curious’.

She pokes the dying  fire with metal rod, that pierces through one of the holes in the net like metal frame kept infront of it and blows a few times. Once the fire is settled and burning into flame again, she turns her head to Raven and casts him a questioning look.

‘Did words finally fail you brother?’

Raven coughs instinctively.

He coughs again  and  coughs even harder ,desperate to avoid the question. And strangely enough, to avoid the stare his sister was giving him, he takes a step back, stumbles and  falls to the cold floor with a loud thud.

‘Did you fall that hard on love, huh?’Rose teases.

‘I may be blind but I am no fool’ she adds chuckling, pointing her little forefinger on him.

‘Damn it!!’ Raven hits his fist into the palm of his hand, embarrassed and flushed. ‘Just tell me you like pretending blind..’. He laughs

‘I wish I could.’ She pulls her lower lids of both eyes, cupps  her cheeks with little hands making them look  protruding,then  sticks out her tongue and laughs too.

Sebastian listens to their conversation joyfully. Their heartful laughs,  echoes to him like wind charms in the emptiness of the room while  his lonely bystanding soul  soaks in  Euphoria, to have witnessed purity of love  in a form  that   he never experienced.

‘If only i had some one like that….’

Entwined 19 :)


Standing  infront of the large family picture with a golden frame , hanging on  the middle of the wall, Sebastian finds himself  tracing the potraits of familiar faces of  a genuinely happy couple and  their children.

He recognizes the man as Raven’s father. It was no surprise,the man, now had the same face he had  at the time the portrait was made, despite being reborn several times. That was a perk of being reborn. Having same soul meant being the same person in every aspects..unlike reincarnation where ones  soul is free and one is born a complete new individual.

His hair jet black, combed to perfection with neat side parting that high lighted his strong browlines and sharp features, Raven’s father looked like a gentleman of means and appeal.  The man distinctly had some of the his son’s  looks and a smile that was hard not to fall for. Although, now much older than what he looked in potrait, age had been still been kind . For,  even with wrinkles,terrible bags under his eyes and white hair with patches of baldness, the man undeniably  looked good on his 60s .

He made Raven who he is..

‘How can one possibly know what changes a person? Could this man who looks so contended and happy enough to be with his family be so viscious so as to be a murderer himself?’ Sebastian questions.

But again, years of life near these beings called humans had taught Sebastian many things.. With them change was ineveitable. They always pursued what was unattainable, neglected what they owned and wandered in nothingness for pursuit of greed, lust and desires. ‘I want more’ had always been their universal motto for generation and generations since the cave man first appeared, he had read somewhere along the pages in his father’s observation notebook of humans.

‘Scums. No better than animals with useless brains. Can’t tame them..they wont be loyal, can’t love them..they can’t love. So just think and treat them as food ’ was what aunt phili always said to him, worried he might follow the footsteps his father followed.

Raven is not bad..he had argued once.

‘That’s because he is not  a human. He was born a demon’ she had snapped back .

He lets out a long sigh, steering away his eyes from the portrait of smiling man  to  the boy and to his little sister sitting near the fire place.

If only they knew what was coming in future..

Sebastian then  paces back slowely  and  glides to sit on a sofa nearest to Raven, he watches as  Raven’s memories slowely starts unfolding  themselves to him.

‘Brother, is not mom coming back home?’ Raven’s  sister asks, looking at the flames burning on the fire place.

‘No’ he replies. ‘She called in to say she has a important meeting with a client’

Raven stares at his sister’s preety angelic face and into her eyes. He could tell, she was sad and lost in deep thoughts  now, after hearing that, judging by  the patterns of light reflection  inside her large pupils, even though he could only see little from a distance where he was standing. It was integrated to Raven like a instinctive behaviour, to look into his sister’s eyes and  assess her thoughts  before he could say anything. Strange enough this  behavior he developed had helped him to cater to Rose needs even when she was a little baby and couldn’t communicate, while their own mother felt frustrated of trying hard to understand.

They were colored  light blue or perhaps light green, her eyes, no one could tell. But they were mysteriously beautiful and made Rose stick out in the crowd. ‘Feels like looking into stars when I see you smile’ Raven would often tell her,which were indeed true, for they sparkled like thousand fireflies kept together, bottled ,in the small world she saw.

‘If only Rose could see what fire looks like. If only she was not blind’

 Raven monologues sadly, watching her stare, vacantly at the fire with eyes that were blinking only a few times, seeing nothing but black all around her.     

Pearl in the ocean.


Felt like, we had  known each other  for ages

Even though  we had never met

Felt like,  perhaps  we were destined

To cross paths but sadly.. never to be walking  in the same lane

Wondered.. how we could touch by words

Read between the lines that were never written


Never was a word between us.

Being so human yet breathing at such ease never happened.


Questions ? Yes, a lot I have been asking myself lately

‘Why did it occur to me,  out of my logic, out of my sense..

to give in to someone who  perhaps never  had an exsistence ???’

Bothered? Yes again…

‘ why in the world of millions sweethearts

Mine was  stuck, kept so desolate..miles away ??’

Think i should mind?? because  its unfair for my supposedly happy stories

Was is it too much to wish for my soulmate to be ‘in forever’ with me..


Finders keepers they say..are keepers happy or the finders more

When you have ‘a thing’ worked out together,is it sinful to seek, to break the laws

Perhaps its better  for me to understand now

Or should I say to ‘not  to’ ignore again the signs


To keep something so precious ,like a pearl in the depths of the sea, hidden always..

Out of human eyes , out of human sins

And unfortunately this time..out of my touch..before i tempt and disgrace it.