Our hopeful future.

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”You cannot feel air but it is there.You have to know..” he wrote to me once.

Indeed, air is our need for sustenance.
How long should we hope to live without it to breathe.
Feelings are like that.

One wishes if only these ‘we feel’ came in shapes and sizes.
So we could tie them all together in a knot and present it in the open..
For the other to see, caress it and remember
Because ‘Air’ no matter how
Vital it is, it is often forgotten.

However, Air never leaves.
Even if you momentarily stop to respire..
LIfe itself will wither slowely and age with the seconds of the watch.
But,
‘feelings’ ..like ‘Air’ will exsist, continuing in the perpetual momentum..
As much like,
‘breathing’ is a chore, crucial to life yet.. physically we are
indifferent to its motion.

Eventually, one day life will embrace back love in us with open arms.
Like the trees will welcome the spring again..after its autunm desolation.
When we are truely willing to feel..
what that was always there omnipresent..around us

Love comes in many forms..it may not be the same again.
But Remember, ‘love’ is like ‘Air’..It was always there
It will always be there.
We can’t see it. We have to feel..
Trust it and let it unbolt our instincts.
For ‘future’ no matter how it may be
Is a beautiful thing to dream.

Have you felt that way

dark-girl-horror-imagesHave you ever felt so bare that you fear a gentle hush of wind could peel your skin

Have you been afraid to know the limits of insanity and mess you have been holding

Have you felt  a sense of panic yet a surge of freedom rush your veins when you confront this person with all what is left of your darkest soul

Have you been afraid not for broken heart but fears that if you lose this person you will  always feel hollow

Have you felt the worst of you creeping out, like its been suffocating too long ..pretending good

Have you wanted a person to love you, yet not judge you, for not wanting to be with them with unnecessary bondings

Have you loved and wanted it to work all the way to see your happily everafter, even though you think fairytales dosen’t make sense

Have you tried your best to work things out for years and then realized you were never supposed to be working that hard when it’s you missing out on your everyday

Did you have a soulmate not the one you would marry but you can feel with every fibre of muscles in your thumping heart.. know that he/she will be your happily after, like a genie is to alladin..like tutu is for the prince..even though the concept its self is so sad

Are you ready to suffocate yourself, suffocate this person: the other soul, because you know  what you own if you let go..you may never have again

Are you willing to let your cards on the table and play the vicious witch, waiting to strike one sided bargain..

Are you the one thinking..may be its okay to swim along the seashore as long as you hide your heart back in the pearl..you could break again and again but you are only fooling.. your heart would be somewhere safe and secure’

Can you imagine married ..smiling for a family picture..with silver lines on your hair..holding hands with your partner and your children who perhaps never knew who you were..and you find yourself  dialing a familial number..who perhaps will never be on the reciever end

But above all, are you willing?? Because its a gamble..gut is all it takes to start the game.

If you do..welcome in..we are only humans after all. Let yourself feel the depths of your pits..only with a little twist’ with more than just a heart at stakes.

 

 

I ‘m sorry i happened to you

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The first day I walked into you. I was so nervous..i  never thought I would be chasing a guy.

But I did. And I swore, I just wanted to know you better out of curiosity.

You looked like someone I could know, I could remember.

You looked like someone out of past from whom I just recovered.

But I was never a person to trust in love, I was built in that way so I refused to feel at all. I would let anyone walk out and still have no regrets to live for.

Yet I don’t know why, I was so obsessed with you so I wanted to make sure we never cross paths but It grew out of control and I webbed you  in,into my world..with a promise that I could be your one, the one  and only.

You trusted me, weren’t we so happy ?

What happened then I don’t know..did you break my heart or I wanted to break yours?We have shed tears haven’t we? Did we lose all that we felt in those drops when  we were crying?

I can only blame myself for what  I cannot be, I loved you with all my heart,I gave you all that I could, my sacred first love and my first kiss.I still know how it felt when   you touched  my  hands the first time and blew it kisses while I wondered if it was ok?

And yes it was. I could look into your eyes and tell, with you I would always be safe.

You said you loved me and you would wake up all night staring. You said you would miss seeing me if you fel asleep. But If you did really love me ,why would you always be willing to give me away with your wrong choice of words ‘its for your sake’. If you did really love me, why wouldn’t you ask me to stay? If you did really love me love, why petty secrets  with lies of your fiddling hearts? i tel you everything  don’t I deserve to read some of your hidden cards?

If you did really love me baby, why such an easy goodbye when we had seen all these harsh years  together in the past.

I found you..but you saved me.

I am sorry, I was too lost I couldn’t see that you needed me.I am sorry for  being  a nervous wreck I had been. I am sorry you had to be an adult when I was such a baby..

But I missed us.. Even when you are by my side I missed us thinking what we could have been. I can only see us both dragging to the same circle from where we always wanted an exit. Couldn’t  we atleast  be two free birds when we were ‘just you and me’?

Do we even know eachother? All the little things that make us..Do you know me except all the big bag ruggage that I came with?Or have we been too afraid of our own selves lately? Tell me if I should  try to hold to this string before we crumble and everything  falls to pieces.

Goodbye love.

I only hope its not our last. Remember you promised me you would find us back.  Remember me.. for  I am only letting my  bird set free hoping someday it will come back to me. I know I am a fool , not for chasing you but letting you go. I am getting  numb and slowely you are losing your control..

If I had to do it again yes I would do it too again and again..the next time and the next, not repeating any of those mistakes..hiding away from you scared that you would break me if I fell any harder..hiding away from you scared that I would break you if I had a change of my heart later.

But I did love you. I did. I do. Did you love me for the person I was or as the one you wanted to see? I never asked. I dare not. They say Sky is vast.. should you find another love, mercy me too fit me in somewhere inside your heart for a safe keep in. As long as you are happy, I am happy. You were my charm, you were my strength but you were also my weakness the fact you couldn’t see.

I did love you. I do. And I will always.. whether you believe it or not.

Will you find us back? Save me one more time and I promise no matter how many times heart breaks I will save us. There will be no more tears, no more cries, no more hiding, no more running , no dramas just us and our beautiful world. You could even have that flat you wanted, have a teacup, have a pug. I won’t mind letting a house go, ditching some birds and hamsters and cats. Never really. i wouldn’t want Disney lands.  Because you would be worth all of  it. Because we would have all there is to have with our three beautiful kids..

I am sorry I happened to you.

Love is more beautiful that way.

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I

I wince with pain

Somewhere inside heart aches

But I won’t allow tears to fall

No..No because

You never wore and you will never be my mistake to regret.


 

Uncover me, I’ll let you all along

In a hope you wil let me uncover you too

Removing your veil..coming out of you secrets

Out of your blues..


 

Ah it hurts..i let out a long sigh silently inside

But I smile, feeling pleased knowing you find joy

Dismembering me.. piece by piece

In a want to belong..somewhere safe and at ease.


 

Why not? Heart asks..Heart whines

Will you not hold the moment by?

No..i say, staring back at my mundane black eyes

Coz love is more beautiful that way..’

I will protect him..i will love him limitlessly..

‘the words I said’ that I will never understand myself.

Your presence.

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Faint whispers in the ear, hums a sweet  melody

alluring me to stop and to listen to your footsteps

patiently.. cautiously..

following  me..

 

Sweet poison..the aroma itself is ecstasy

I hold in to myself, resisting these tempts

to dissolve in..

to fade in this thin air for a moment

and float into nothing..

 

heart flutters, heart skips

the sounds of the hooves are racing

I am breathing..

The ‘Breath of life’..a moment again

Of your presence,

Divinity

 

Pure and unflawed

this magic of moment, let it be

Be frozen my love

In the ageless, the endless

beauty of these feelings..