She told me,
‘Its really sad to think that my grandmother probably never loved my grandfather.. Its understandable.. she was really pretty and looked way out of his league even to us. And she only married much later than her friends, after she gave up on her hope ‘waiting for the right man’ to come and swift her off. But for my grandpa it wasn’t that way at all. She was everything’.
‘He was a really insecure man even at that age, probably because of this complex he had, that she did not at all feel for him.. So, if he didn’t see her around sometime, even if it was just for a while, he’d turn the house upside down.’
‘And now, he has been dead for more than a year. But my grandma still wakes up scared having dreams about him.. She thinks, he will come after her to take her with him too. Because that’s what he would do, if he could…’
I sat thinking quite a while over my friend’s story of her grandparents. I don’t know, what would i have categorised this story into, had it been a book. Its a win for one and a loss for the other… I mean, I am happy for the man who finally heard ‘yes’ and married ‘The Person’, but i am sad again for the woman, who spent her entire life with a man, whom she never came to love. And now, even after death she has to worry..
This drives me to question what is this thing, they whisper around love?
I grew up hearing my parents own version of their love story as well. ( Its dramatic! Sort of like movies, which i will be posting in some day as well. That would explain my own need of dramatisation too!! 😉 Haha ) Anyways, the thing is as much as i would like to believe their story would have made a good show, I will be be honest, it wouldn’t have landed on my own shelves. Because, i saw and i see the story they have, after ‘they got happily married’.
It got bad.
At one point of time, i almost stopped believing, thing called ‘love’ exists at all. How was i ever to live with one person all my life, who were like my parents? Angry, least understanding and always looking for a reason to quarrel… Well, that’s how children’s minds work i suppose.
I remember my dad saying ‘Marry a man who understands you, who can tolerate you. Not the one you fall in love with. Because you could fall in love with a beggar….Life is long’.
I never thought we would survive this.
Now, almost 30 years after their marriage, they are still together. I know now definitely, this is love. May be not the love, that screams passion. But the kind of love you have with person, with whom you spent your last thirty years with, with whom you waved your youth goodbye with and with whom you had your children with.
Probably, seeing their half of life gone now, my parents look closer than ever.. They have known each other, since there age was on one digit number. Weakening bones, greying hair and wrinkling skin..on once those baby chubby fats must have taken its toll.
And probably ‘those feeling’ softened them. Or probably, over these years they learnt to accept each other flaws and their own flaws as well. Maturity does come with age. When does one learn lesson, one never really knows. On those nights of anger, rage, bitterness, hatefulness, probably there was still ‘love’ lurking around that kept them together..
What ever it was, this is what ‘love looks like’ to me now.
There is no guarantee that you will forever be in love with the person once you loved, or you will come to be in love with the person you have lived your entire life with. There are people i know, who just married as two strangers and fell so madly in love later and again there are people who have been forever in love with then grew to hate each other so much. Whatever this is.. this thing we say ‘LOVE’ is or they whisper around, when you have it, keep it…. if ONLY its worth it. 🙂 🙂 🙂