‘Sex’ on open discussion has always been forbidden in our culture and our society, especially in Asian communities. As in to say, we would never bring up any topics ‘relating, regarding or anything hovering around topic Sex’, in front of our parents, brothers, relatives or other people we associate with on day-day life. Nope! BUT hold your thoughts right there. It’s not because, we consider it is ‘disgusting’ or think that ‘talking about it will damn our soul to hell for eternity ‘ but because, for many of us it is sacred.
I grew up believing that virginity was most important thing in my life. (Many beliefs changed mid way in life by the way…cause life happened! 😉 ) But i wasn’t the single one on that belief. All of my friends held the same notion about ‘being virgin and about having sex’. Convinced that, we were only meant to give ourselves to man who we considered were worth our values and virtues. Meaning, according to our society and religion, ‘sex after marriage’, only with the person whom we were to tie our knot with. Anyone aside that; thinking and talking sex with us and about us were morally, religiously and socially wrong. Punishable, a culprit accuse able of vile offence.
In Nepal, touching a woman by hand and hugging her no matter what the intentions are, is considered disrespectful. Doing ‘Namaste- putting together both hands’ is the right way to start with, to strike a conversation. Believe me it works fine, than doing it your ways and ending up being beaten charged for ‘molesting’ in public.
One of the biggest temple in here, is ‘Pashupatinath’, which is a most scared holy pilgrimage site for ‘hindus’ all over the world. Millions of devotees seek refuge here coming for miles and miles every year to pray ‘Shivalinga’. Now, if you see shivalinga, this statue, you’d wonder, “why is this God so different from others? Weird and least human than those with limbs?”
This got me curious as well. I asked mom, but she remained hushed-hushed about it all the time. This is the problem with my mom… Had she told me, she would have saved me lot of embarrassment discovering the truth from others.
‘Shiva linga’ means, ‘genital part of lord Shiva’ and beneath him carved as a vessel is ‘genital part of goddess Parvati’.
It came to me as a shock first. But then, as i grew more mature, i realised its significance. That’s what happens with faith and religions. Many times we just follow through without knowing what are its core values. I understood then, all this while, we were praying act of ‘Procreation’ by Gods, by divinities. ‘Sex’ was accepted, Sex was sacred. It was basic, a need for survival of our gene pools. 7 billion people on this world where do you think they come from?
NOW to the main topic, the reason why i wrote this blog. See? I can’t even write about ‘Sex’ straight without beating the bushes around it.
So the thing is, i was being a good girl, working on my computer, when my colleagues decided to chip in a fun topic ‘Sex’. I must admit beforehand, that i’m a medic and i don’t judge( mostly try not to if i’m to be honest) regarding people’s sexual preference, life and choices. Because, if i would, they wouldn’t open up to me. But in my personal life, well, i have a lot of problems hearing my colleagues brag about their conquests, talk about their sizes and plan their next encounters. Both men and women.( Note- I work part time in an office. Not a hospital. In case you started thinking medics talk like that all the time. )
So back to the topic. Yes, i felt uneasy, especially after being told by one of the colleagues that ‘i haven’t done an Asian yet’ . Now, if it was me back in Nepal, among my people, I wouldn’t have mind giving him a good slap with all my five finger lines printed on his face. And believe me, people would have supported me, said that i did the right thing and he deserved it. But here… i stared at him for good 1 minute, trying not to look shocked. I still can’t figure where are the boundaries, where am i supposed to say ‘Stop’ HERE. ‘Want to go to swinger’s party with me?’. I might as well explode!!!
That’s the problem, when you are a grown Asian adult in your mid 20s trying to survive a western life. No matter how much you try to adjust, your values collide at some point. You might get used to being hugged, being kissed but at some point your still going to walk out of conversation, stay mute with earphone plugging your ears or just call in a sick leave. You can’t avoid getting uncomfortable , its impossible to stay float casually.
It might seem like a ranting, scattered thoughts of un peaceful, uncool, some retarded girl’s mind speaking out but i have found that, many people do relate with me. The struggles seems microscopic on surface but within us, its creating a huge wave…
Elders say, “Adapt; dress and behave like the countrymen where you stay”.
Yes, we should be open about sex and not confine it within locked doors. Educate young, create an open environment for more casual talks. Help prevent STDs and teen pregnancies… We should. We all love SEX 😉
BUT, if ‘Sex’ was made a cheap talk, and everyone were so casual about it that they didn’t mind hooking up with every next person they met, ending up on new bed everyday, would there be any value of it i wonder?
The topic is always open for endless discussions.
Finally, leaving you guys with my memory of how it was, discovering sex for me for the first time..