You know some people are just.. so annoying. Like me! 🙂
Given there is a leak in the roof, i will start assuming the whole grumpy cloud is following ‘just me’ everywhere because God has planned it that way and has decided to make my life miserable..suddenly somehow. And so i slouch on couch firmly believeing ‘i shouldn’t go out because i am having a bad day’..And i complain the whole time that i am wasting, sitting on it, telling on couch to whoever that passes by, about how it too.. is being against me today by not being comfortable enough… YUP. STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE ME. 😉
So, you got me.. i am a complainer. I like having one to one conversation with God, where obviously he is the silent partner and has to hear everything i have to say. I can be preety mean with my words but he made me say it..so there ‘I am forgiven’. (I read God controls everything..apparently not my mouth). hehe
What were we talking one and one about then? well you know basically rantings like, how i am the only one helping dad with hospital visits and coping mom’s mood swings while rest of my siblings are just stuck on popping their eyes on iphones and being careless about their future ahead. And how stupid and retarded i am and how emotionally freak i can be sometimes ..and idk all the things basically girls complain about i guess. And, YES, it was going smoothly..God was not complaining back at me and i was going as fluently as possible .
Then, i got a call from my cousin. She told me, that her only sister had committed suicide leaving behind her 2 year old son and she was really depressed at the moment. And that she felt alone now and didnot have any faith on having good days ahead or God. I was shaken. ‘Not to her again’ i thought. Her only sister was now gone, she had lost her mother when she was really young and her father had died like just 5 years ago due to brain tumor. What could go worse?
I couldn’t say anything, except that it would be alright. And even though i don’t know what God is because i just complain to him like chatterbox, i asked her ‘to have faith and that better days are yet to come for her’. Nothing else, because.. in that moment i realized how blessed i am. I just wanted to say to God if he was still listening to me, that ‘I am grateful of what i have. I may not have a perfect family but it’s all that i ever wanted and all i will ever wish to have in my life.’ Although, i did have lots of questions like ‘why is it that always good people suffer? And murderers, rapist and all those criminals are making their life,living fly till 80s and 90s?’
But that will have to wait. Tonight, all i want to say to him is ‘I lOVE AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE WHAT I HAVE. THANK YOU’. 🙂