The first day I walked into you. I was so nervous..i never thought I would be chasing a guy.
But I did. And I swore, I just wanted to know you better out of curiosity.
You looked like someone I could know, I could remember.
You looked like someone out of past from whom I just recovered.
But I was never a person to trust in love, I was built in that way so I refused to feel at all. I would let anyone walk out and still have no regrets to live for.
Yet I don’t know why, I was so obsessed with you so I wanted to make sure we never cross paths but It grew out of control and I webbed you in,into my world..with a promise that I could be your one, the one and only.
You trusted me, weren’t we so happy ?
What happened then I don’t know..did you break my heart or I wanted to break yours?We have shed tears haven’t we? Did we lose all that we felt in those drops when we were crying?
I can only blame myself for what I cannot be, I loved you with all my heart,I gave you all that I could, my sacred first love and my first kiss.I still know how it felt when you touched my hands the first time and blew it kisses while I wondered if it was ok?
And yes it was. I could look into your eyes and tell, with you I would always be safe.
You said you loved me and you would wake up all night staring. You said you would miss seeing me if you fel asleep. But If you did really love me ,why would you always be willing to give me away with your wrong choice of words ‘its for your sake’. If you did really love me, why wouldn’t you ask me to stay? If you did really love me love, why petty secrets with lies of your fiddling hearts? i tel you everything don’t I deserve to read some of your hidden cards?
If you did really love me baby, why such an easy goodbye when we had seen all these harsh years together in the past.
I found you..but you saved me.
I am sorry, I was too lost I couldn’t see that you needed me.I am sorry for being a nervous wreck I had been. I am sorry you had to be an adult when I was such a baby..
But I missed us.. Even when you are by my side I missed us thinking what we could have been. I can only see us both dragging to the same circle from where we always wanted an exit. Couldn’t we atleast be two free birds when we were ‘just you and me’?
Do we even know eachother? All the little things that make us..Do you know me except all the big bag ruggage that I came with?Or have we been too afraid of our own selves lately? Tell me if I should try to hold to this string before we crumble and everything falls to pieces.
I only hope its not our last. Remember you promised me you would find us back. Remember me.. for I am only letting my bird set free hoping someday it will come back to me. I know I am a fool , not for chasing you but letting you go. I am getting numb and slowely you are losing your control..
If I had to do it again yes I would do it too again and again..the next time and the next, not repeating any of those mistakes..hiding away from you scared that you would break me if I fell any harder..hiding away from you scared that I would break you if I had a change of my heart later.
But I did love you. I did. I do. Did you love me for the person I was or as the one you wanted to see? I never asked. I dare not. They say Sky is vast.. should you find another love, mercy me too fit me in somewhere inside your heart for a safe keep in. As long as you are happy, I am happy. You were my charm, you were my strength but you were also my weakness the fact you couldn’t see.
I did love you. I do. And I will always.. whether you believe it or not.
Will you find us back? Save me one more time and I promise no matter how many times heart breaks I will save us. There will be no more tears, no more cries, no more hiding, no more running , no dramas just us and our beautiful world. You could even have that flat you wanted, have a teacup, have a pug. I won’t mind letting a house go, ditching some birds and hamsters and cats. Never really. i wouldn’t want Disney lands. Because you would be worth all of it. Because we would have all there is to have with our three beautiful kids..
I am sorry I happened to you.