Nightmares..

A  nightmare forest

Spooky forest

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A nightmare.

Dear Diary,

I was about 9 year old when a woman  who had been living with us for few days, tried to smother me..(failed/changed the idea I don’t know) then caught hold of my hair and dragged me around the house while searching for a sack. I cried screaming but no one was at the house so it was all vain. She kicked me hard, I jostled. She slapped me, I tried to fight back. But finally she took hold of me, pulling my hair with much force and threw me on to the floor. I was tired but I tried running away.. But you can never run from a mad woman, can you? She caught me in a minute and stuffed me inside the sack, kicking me with her foot everytime I moved. I remember just till then and rest of thing has blurred. All I remember was crying my lungs out, calling out for mom.

After a few moments someone stopped her, opened the sack and rescued me..it was my mom. She had come in right time to see her daughter alive and let her live.Can you believe it? She stopped her on the front gate!!

The woman was  then taken away. Later I learned that she was kept in a mental asylum and she had some psychiatric illness. It turned out that, the time my mom visited her, she had felt sorry for her because she was one of our relatives who had been abandoned due to her illness. And she brought her home on LAMA(leave against medical advice) on her own risk. Very recently I heard the woman died, but never cured.

Sometimes I get angry with my mom for bringing her home, for being a careless parent, for leaving me alone home..for expecting things more from me and being so less from her side ..And then Sometimes I get angry at that woman, for trying to kill me being the mad woman she was(sorry for that language). But then when I think of it, my mom was  always a gentle soul..she didn’t think that her illness was much of the problem. So I forgive her. And then I also think, it isn’t fault of that woman. She was ill and everything. She was acting that way because of her illness and she was not in her right mind to think that she was about to kill me.  “The cheating husband”issues could drive woman crazy…So I forgive her.

But then whom do I blame for my nightmares, for memories I am supposed to forget but I can’t.

Perhaps a child’s mind is so fragile..once molded it is set. I’m a grown up now.I can explain to myself..i can reason out, I can try to forget. But it is difficult. I am scared when I start to dream. And I thankful to god that I don’t dream at all or I forget the dreams by the time I wake up ?(idk).But the times I do..i feel so pissed and haunted. When I think about that, I am bound to think of all those who are victims of more dreadful story.

Goodnight love. sleep tight 🙂

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10 thoughts on “Nightmares..

  1. I read this horrifying and frightening story of ‘A nightmare’ of yours yesterday, and I had a dream last night. You might not believe it but let me tell you anyway.

    In the dream, I was sitting on the rear seat of a car and a girl was sitting on the other end of the seat. I’ve never met you, but in my mind the girl was definitely you, missmonsoon. There was another one in the car but I couldn’t tell who it was.

    I had some straws in my hands and I wove them into a shape of a doll. I hooked it up from the ceiling light over the passenger seat. You looked at it and took it away smiling and held it so tight in your hands that you smashed it. The dream ended right there and I woke up. I looked at my alarm clock and it was 2:30 a.m.

    I couldn’t sleep after that. Many thought welled up in my mind while I was awake. Most of them were just rubbish, but one of them stack to my mind. It was what an Indian mystic said. He said that all the behaviors of living things are from love… A lion catches a rabbit to eat it by love…

    Do we act and do things motivated by one single emotion called love existing deep down in the core of the human mind? This thought made me shiver.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such kind effort of yours to make me a doll. And i’m sorry that it was smashed. Though i in my right mind will make sure i will never smash it. I think you rightly said..good or bad all things that we do is out of love.
      That was but just a past. And i assure you, it has no effect in me. So donot worry for me and i wish i donot haunt you good sleep again. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, missmonsoon, please haunt me again. It was a vague female figure, but in my mind it was definitely you. Please visit me again, and next time please talk to me. Wonder what Sigmund Freud might have said about the dream… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well dreams are dreams. Its said to represent human emotions and thoughts. I wouldn’t be surprised that you saw me. After all you are the grand pa!! You are suppose to miss your grand children hehe 🙂
        I will definately talk to you. and i don’t think Mr Freud ever had a dream like our to interpret it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I often have dreams, but never like that one. There was something definite that was focused in my mind… Maybe that’s the point Freud was pointing at. You could be right in saying that I’m your grand pa. That may figuratively explain… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. hahaha.. i know sometimes dreams could be out of ordinary. for instance when i have a dream i think about it v constantly because i rarely dream. My mother on other hand is a very very frequent dreamer and most of her dreams tend to have meaning. But well dreams are dreams,… they are just virtual illusions of brain 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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