I was about 9 year old when a woman who had been living with us for few days, tried to smother me..(failed/changed the idea I don’t know) then caught hold of my hair and dragged me around the house while searching for a sack. I cried screaming but no one was at the house so it was all vain. She kicked me hard, I jostled. She slapped me, I tried to fight back. But finally she took hold of me, pulling my hair with much force and threw me on to the floor. I was tired but I tried running away.. But you can never run from a mad woman, can you? She caught me in a minute and stuffed me inside the sack, kicking me with her foot everytime I moved. I remember just till then and rest of thing has blurred. All I remember was crying my lungs out, calling out for mom.
After a few moments someone stopped her, opened the sack and rescued me..it was my mom. She had come in right time to see her daughter alive and let her live.Can you believe it? She stopped her on the front gate!!
The woman was then taken away. Later I learned that she was kept in a mental asylum and she had some psychiatric illness. It turned out that, the time my mom visited her, she had felt sorry for her because she was one of our relatives who had been abandoned due to her illness. And she brought her home on LAMA(leave against medical advice) on her own risk. Very recently I heard the woman died, but never cured.
Sometimes I get angry with my mom for bringing her home, for being a careless parent, for leaving me alone home..for expecting things more from me and being so less from her side ..And then Sometimes I get angry at that woman, for trying to kill me being the mad woman she was(sorry for that language). But then when I think of it, my mom was always a gentle soul..she didn’t think that her illness was much of the problem. So I forgive her. And then I also think, it isn’t fault of that woman. She was ill and everything. She was acting that way because of her illness and she was not in her right mind to think that she was about to kill me. “The cheating husband”issues could drive woman crazy…So I forgive her.
But then whom do I blame for my nightmares, for memories I am supposed to forget but I can’t.
Perhaps a child’s mind is so fragile..once molded it is set. I’m a grown up now.I can explain to myself..i can reason out, I can try to forget. But it is difficult. I am scared when I start to dream. And I thankful to god that I don’t dream at all or I forget the dreams by the time I wake up ?(idk).But the times I do..i feel so pissed and haunted. When I think about that, I am bound to think of all those who are victims of more dreadful story.
Goodnight love. sleep tight 🙂