A young man was admitted in psychiatry ward as a case of severe depression with attempted suicide. Looking at this man just on his 20s seemingly on good physical health, with possibly many years to live ahead , it made me wonder why he made the attempt. His act made no sense to me because men his age seeked adventures, seeked future, seeked meanings to life, yet here was this man who was on the verge of giving up on everything he had. It made me even more sad to see faces of those little children pale and with patches of hair lost on their heads waiting patiently on queue for their chemo, when I saw his face.
I won’t lie the thought of patients everyday on their sick bed waiting for their next dialysis, thought of those going through nervewrecking process of chemo/radiation and those hoping for their organ/bone marrow transplantation made me feel a rush of anger towards him.
And I won’t lie for a time I had a thought “why save a life of one who dosen’t want to be saved”. And you will be right to curse me for that.
His session of interview started. The wall he had around him slowely fell down brick by brick. He started opening up. The story I heard next was heartwrenching. So much to see and so much to suffer at such tender young age …a broken family, a life of abuse, and a broken heart can shatter a soul to the very depths and this I had not realized with my own shallow soul. A person can die everyday a number of times and yet can be forced to live, just to carry on a physical form.
Meeting him was a lesson to my life. Yes, life does seem unfair. Nobody likes to be tagged as depression, mania, bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety disorder etc and etc. But never lay judgement in someone’s life. What I saw, what people see is the tip of iceberg , the depth it has in the sea, I can only imagine but never know. The circumstances that makes a person think and act the way he/she does is something that we can only sympathize but never understand. Because the only ones who know are they themselves and the only ones who will understand are when we ourselves reach their circumstances…